Many comedians have become so tortured that they eventually couldn’t make it funny anymore and decided to take their own lives. There are many: Robin Williams, Freddie Prinze, Brody Stevens and Richard Jeni are just a few.
I’ve been a comedian for 12 years, and the number of comedians I know who have attempted suicide is immense. Depression and substance abuse are always topics that comedians talk about on stage. Sometimes they are just jokes, but sometimes they are a glimpse into what it’s like to battle with demons daily.
Credit: Chris West
Credit: Chris West
In that way, comedians are a little bit lucky. We have our own form of therapy that can help us get through the month, week or day. However, there are people who take their own lives who did not have that outlet, or really any support at all. Some people do not have a voice like comedians do.
One of those people was my best friend of 30 years. In February of this year, she died by suicide.
Were there signs? Yes. Was there anything that any of us could have done? Maybe. Should we blame ourselves? Absolutely not.
The amount of sadness one must endure before they take this drastic step is unimaginable.
My friend always wanted to see me perform, but she never got the chance. That’s the thing I think about most. She loved that I was a comedian, and an unconvincing psychic told me she is with me every time I am on stage with a hand on my shoulder. My friend would say that’s complete nonsense.
But then here’s the thing.
Since my friend’s death, doing stand-up comedy has been a burden and a daunting task. Normally, I would talk about things that happen to me on stage to deal with them. This was not one of those things I could do that with. The shows I have done this year have been subpar. My performances have bordered on unwatchable.
Maybe my best friend actually is on stage messing with me. She would do that.
My friend had a loud personality and a silly sense of humor. For example, when I dragged her to see “Titanic” in the theater, when the old lady dropped the Heart of the Ocean diamond into the sea, the entire theater could hear my friend slapping her forehead. We only heard the slap, but we all got the joke.
While I probably won’t ever be able to talk about my friend on stage, I can get back on stage and start talking. Talking about my fears and anxieties, but with a punchline at the end. Because if there isn’t a funny punchline at the end of a joke about what scares you, then there might be despair, that is just too much to handle.
My goal is to get back on stage more. Writing more about comedy in this column and actual jokes will help me to move beyond what I am feeling. I want to feel funny, and I want others to find me funny. Please, find me funny. Laugh at me. I need this.
Please send me any local show announcements if you’d like them included in the round-up at the end.
Laugh Riot Girl round-up
- Comedian Nate Jackson will be performing at 7:30 p.m. tonight at the Victoria Theatre. I was able to interview Jackson last week about his career. He is a fan of crowd work, which many people like, but he also has some solid material. Additionally, he has a recurring role on “The Paper,” which is a new show on Peacock. Get tickets at daytonlive.org.
- Bricky’s Comedy Club will host the Punchlines for a Purpose show at 7:30 p.m. Sept. 20. This comedy club is located within the Star City Brewing Company, 319 S. Second St. in Miamisburg. This show is a fundraiser where all the proceeds will benefit 4 Paws for Ability. Bricky’s is really starting to be the place for comedy in the Dayton area. Get tickets at brickyscomedy.com.
- Bellbrook’s second annual FunnyFest is at 12:30 p.m. Sept. 20 at Bellbrock Park, 57 N. Main St. This is a family-friendly, clean comedy contest that is occurring during Bellbrook’s “A Taste of the Town” event. The three winners will get spots to host, feature and headline at Bricky’s Comedy Club in the future, as well as a cash prize.
More support
There are resources for those considering suicide, such as dialing 988 to connect with a mental health provider via the telephone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Also, texting 741741 will connect someone with a mental health provider.
LAUGH RIOT GIRL
Laugh Riot Girl is a column by comedian and writer Jessica Graue that explores the local comedy scene and issues surrounding it. Reach her by email at jessica.graue@coxinc.com.
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